How do you redirect your life in into a positive direction, or in any case a direction that you want it to go? You have to just roll up your sleeves and do the work. This past month I am pretty sure that I have felt like Stretch Armstrong in every part of my life. I love my job most of the time and it's not that I have hated it lately, but I have become very frustrated with the overturn and I am not the only one. I honestly can not stand people that want to have a job (easy job) but simply can not come to work on time or show up. Like everyone else I have a life with responsibilities, obligations, family, friends, and other things that I care deeply about. I guess I will start off by saying that I am not perfect and I understand life can plain suck sometimes. I have been having trouble with balancing my schedule and that is my problem that I have to deal with. I have to get caught up right now at work with my paperwork, because all I have been able to do is stay on the floor and tend to the customers and my employees. I am so behind with my reading for my classes and I am wondering if I should just go ahead and drop one of them. What really burns my bread is that when I want to concentrate on school and I get the shaft. Yesterday I had my fill and then talking to Brad didn't really seem to help, mainly because he doesn't care about school. Speaking of school I just got a wonderful phone call and a message about the activity on my account with school. I guess most of all I am very disappointed in myself because I allow myself to give into work a lot more than I should. I feel very responsible for that store and I should because it is my responsibility. The truth of the matter is that I have limits to what I can do and so does everyone else. I might as well be honest with myself and admit that I haven't been taking care of myself. When did I start loosing respect for myself and not caring what I do to my body and my well being? When did I start thinking it was okay to do for others and taking the shaft in my personal life.
Today I have actually been able to get things done. Now I just wish that everything was magically unpacked and organized!!! It's Carol's birthday today and I really thought that we were going to have dinner at my house so I would have Sunday to get homework done but the plans have changed. I took my Friday off for this, I could be working right now and not having to go in early tomorrow morning. It's annoying but it happens and as much as I love my family they always have to leave everything to the last minute and I just don't work that way. The battle of life is never ending and have plenty of work left to do- just like the rest of the world.

One foot in the door no longer

What my realizations in life have come to is that nothing is normal, normal is like being perfect. So why are we always searching for the normal? I am just looking for some stable ground most of the time. February and March have felt like controlled chaos. I honestly have been working too much and that is going to have to stop after next week, I feel like I am being suffocated with all of the work that I constantly do. I feel disappointed in myself because I have not been able to do things at this wicked awesome new pad I am staying at but, work and school come first...not above family of course! I love my job, I am going to school, and I am trying to live like everyone else here! We all have busy lives, lets not forget that. Just because someone else is not in school or you can not see the tasks that they have- does not make them a couch potato. This is not just coming from a conversation I had yesterday but from the reality of it all, and past judgements that I have had. It is so easy to judge someone else or there situation when you are not in there shoes or you have to face the obstacles that they are facing.

Have you ever noticed that so many views that we have are hypocritical? I mean have you ever seen or heard something and thought I would never do that or that is wrong? We all have right? Now did you ever take this second step and thought or asked yourself...Would I do that? I have been there before. Do I do the same thing? I do not know how I would react in that situation.

I don't know if there is any truth to this but do most people just walk around and not examine there life decisions or the way they think? Do other people think this way? I know my mother can't or doesn't...look at her actions and the way she thinks. It's like she walks around thinking that she is always right. I have come in contact with a lot of people like this in my life. Of course we are all guilty of these forms of judgement, I am at times. The difference is that we have to always learn from our mistakes. I honestly do not know what I am trying to get at here, these are just thoughts that have been rolling around in my head for a couple of days and I had to get them out. I have been having Internet withdraws and today I am getting higher than a kite! I know Alison can't wait until she can blog from the shitter!

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Dreaming of what could be. Dreaming of a you and me. I find myself in love with the thought of you and me. I have fallen in love with the comfortable thought of you and me. I wish you were here sitting beside me and holding my hand. I would even be satisfied if you were on the other end of the phone, and making your way towards me. In my mind, at this place I am eagerly waiting for you. I am holding onto memories that do not exist, ones we have yet to create. I can see a future so clearly that I can almost touch it. Where are you, and how soon are we to become an us? Most importantly who are you and what is taking you so long? I wonder sometimes if we have already met or if you are a complete stranger. I know that I will find you in due time. I am just rushing forward at the speed of light like I usually do. I am putting the cart before the horse.

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It's been a hard days night and I've been working like a dog

It's amazing how long this week has been already and it is only Wednesday. It's back to the normal grind and it's not like this weekend was some fucking day spa in the Hamptons.
The house is coming together very well and I pray that I can get the rest of the boxes put away very soon. I'm not going to lie- homework is really cramping my style right now. I would rather be home putting things away and organizing all my shit.
Those cox bitches better be out at the house on Monday...I'm not even fucking kidding. It is such a pain in the ass waiting for things like that to happen. I have to have internet for school and it is sucking big balls hauling my shit across town to do my HW and then having to drive all the fucking way home. OH and because of this I am going to be watching grey's anatomy with alison at my parents house tomorrow night. hahaha- too fucking funny if you ask me! My parent's laughed at me when I asked them. OH and by the way- Alison is a great roomie!

My dad's Laugh and Mine

Like so many other nights I am sitting on the couch in my parents house and we are watching the boob tube (as my dad calls it!) and when I start laughing I realize that I have the same laugh as my dad. It's crazy what traits or characteristics you pick up from your parents.

someone asked me.

Walking around in this quiet apartment this question stopped me dead in my tracks. Are you going to miss this apartment when you move. Before I even had a moment to really think about it I said not really. Then when I realized that I had just blurted it out I still have the same answer not really. Don't misunderstand me, I have had a great time living living here- I have really grown into a more responsible person here. We have had great parties, bbq's, game nights, and many other events. Laughter has bounced off these walls, tears have been shed and life has just been lead. Still I have no attachment to this apartment. I'm done here, it's just a place where I once was. Soon it will be like I was never here and I will have been forgotten like those before me.

I'm looking at empty walls

School is out for 5 days. I have 5 days of freedom before I am back at the normal grind again! YEAH!!! It feels really nice to have that load off of my shoulders.
This weekend's goal is to get moved into the new house. Talk about being a little overwhelmed. I never knew how much stuff I owned, it's amazing how much someone can inherit in 2 years. I am about to move again, and to tell you the truth I am tired of moving. I really do not want to move ever again but I know that I will. So hopefully it will not be for a long time after this move. It seems to finally be coming together at the new house and it looks nice. The only thing I don't like is that my mom feels like she has more of a reason to call me all the time now. I don't want to deal with any of her shit that she likes to nag me about. Yeah I wish she would realize that I am all grown up and I don't need her to tell me what to do anymore. It has been a long time since I have needed her help.
Allison went to Las Vegas and had a great time, it was fun to look at all of her pictures yesterday at the meeting. I am getting sick and tired of one of my managers and she just makes me want to kill her. I talk and talk to her about how she should be running things and it's like it never sinks in to her fucking brain. She is probably pissed off at me because I would not work for her on Monday night but I could care less, because I have a life and I am not going to work 14 hours when she just has a little tummy ache. I don't even know why I bother with her sometimes, and I just want to scream at the top of my lungs most of the time. I am ready for the meeting this Thursday and I am glad that I will be able to see the other managers and Brad.
The congressional address is on tonight and the only thing that I hate about it is all the time for the clapping- seriously annoying. Why can't he just give his speech without all the clapping and starting and stopping.
I got a mini Mini Cooper catalog in yesterday- it's amazing. I know that everyone hates me talking about that car but I don't care! I want one of those cars and it will be forever before I can afford one of them but who knows!

stuck between my shadow and me

I have yet to start my packing. Honestly I will do it when I get a chance, and at the moment it seems like NEVER! I feel really stuck right now trying to get my school work done each week and trying to do a million other things. I am ready to get into this new house I just wish that it was done and over with. If you haven't guessed it I hate moving- but this time it will be worth it. I am ready for a long stay, and I am going to be so glad to have my bedroom on the ground floor.
There are so many things that I have to get done this month, and one of them is my taxes!!! I have been waiting to finish them because of other statements coming in the mail. Finally they are all here, hopefully I will be able to get out of bed early enough on Friday and get them in.
Saturday is V-day...so what are you doing? I am chilling with my siblings! We are going to play games and hopefully I will be able to finish my homework.
I can't believe that tomorrow is already Thursday, this week has just flown right by. Last week was too fucking busy, and this week isn't slower at all. I am going to die at the age of 25 from stress and killing myself trying to do everything I want at once.