costly but so worth the wait!!!

There is always that one person who will always give all they have to give and who cares. They keep trying when they fail or make wrong decisions and they always seem to get back up. They are willing to take on more responsibility and willing to pick up the slack. Obviously that is not Nicole and like I told my boss on Tuesday I am getting to a point where I don't even want to address the problems that I am having with her. It's not worth my aggravation anymore and the worst part about situations like this is, giving up on someone. Now that I start thinking about all of this I am starting to think that I am giving up on her.

If I could eat the air

I walk out into the dark and the air smells like sugar. It always has a way of making me smile even after a night of hell at the store. The dough nut shop next door starts preparing the morning treats around 9 at night so when I get out of work around 11 the air is full of the scent of sugar.

a day of watching movies and eating popcorn.

somehow today has turned out to be a little bit productive, even though I am dragging myself around the house to actually do all of these tasks!! I feel kind of weird today, it's like i am not in a bad mood or a good mood I am just in between everything. As of right now the radio is on in the kitchen, the laundry is going, I am sitting on the floor in the living room because the couches are soaked with febreeze.
This coming up week might be a test of my brain power- most of the time I feel like I am juggling twenty million things at work all at once. So this week I have 45 hours of work and paperwork and organization to deal with. I am actually really happy at work right now. I feel like I have the time to get these things done, even though most of my days are jam packed busy. The store seems different since Zach is gone and it seems like a good thing.
Right now my aunt Karen (dad's sister) is instant messaging me and complaining to me about them not calling her back. She really needs to realize who she is talking to and whom she is talking about. These are my parents she is bashing, people I would die for- not her!!! She has a face book and a myspace so it's- well annoying when she asks me what is wrong or checks on my by this.
So things did not really work out the way that I would like them to have on Friday before we parted ways. I don't know what to do so I guess I am not going to do anything at all. I don't want to play games, I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable, and I guess I just plain don't know. I wasn't too keen on well- getting involved with anyone at work. I am not saying that nothing could come between him and I, but why stress about this anymore. I'm pretty much back to the normal NO ACTION girl that I always am and I guess I will just have to live with that! A relationship will find me when it's ready- probably when I am not paying attention. So here is toasting 23 more years of the single life!!!

Infomercials kill brain cells

this weekend is coming too soon!

So the conclusion that I am coming to is that I have so much going on I really have no business worrying about some boy. If things happen between us that will be great, but when I am at work I need to be concentrating on work and my responsibilities there.
I finally made the decission tonight that the first summer semester is just going to have to wait. I am not going to find myself in a position where I have to struggle in school because my store is in bad shape right now. I am loosing a manager and the other two assistants that I have are not too strong.
This week is the start of pulling more hours at my store and getting things done. Today I had to go in for a bit because I received and email from out produce distributor and will not be in my store until Thursday and it is a pressing manner. Also the LCD screen that we are sending back has never arrived at the RI location and i had to make a few phone calls this morning. The work never ends, and that is fine with me for right now.

just think about what you think- why does it have to be a crazy idea?

Sometimes I feel as if I am trying so hard to make things work in my life and then I am not doing as well as I thought I was doing. Does this make any sense? In my head is sure enough does, and maybe the truth of the matter is I have no business trying to start a relationship with anyone until I get my life together. Lately I have heard the feelings that I have felt many times before and I don't know why I feel like this. Not deserving, maybe this is a part of me that keeps me from having great things in my life. I don't know.....I just don't want to think anymore.

yo yo yo what it is son!

sometimes i just get the feeling that things are not as they seem in my relationships. I have a way of putting my foot in my mouth sometimes and wearing my feelings on my shoulder.
tomorrow I am about to take my feelings and hold them out for someone to see, rejection is well scary for anyone.
I hate the fucking gossip mill at work and I don't really want to just shrug it off because I would rather be told the truth from the source.
So am I going to take this chace, damn I wish I was a morning person. I honestly will do what I think is best for myself tomorrow morning.
I really like him and mostly it is because when we talk we click on a lot of the same levels.
Why not take a chance for once, it's not like I am getting anywhere by just sitting here- hey who knows maybe Nicole is right and he likes me too.
The point is that I am not in high school and I am not passing notes, and well I'm not down with the he said she said shit or matchmaker bull that seems to be going on.
I would rather do something about this if you know what I mean. I don't like work relationships and I hate the fact that I don't really do anything but work, gym, family, and well homework when the new semester starts!!!
Bars are not really places to find someone, I just have always had this rule about no relationships at work because I know how people talk and how things get messy. It gets a lot more complicated when you are the boss.
what to do, what to do....! I talked to Alison and J-M tonight and got there feedback and now it is my turn to make the decision.
OH Man thank goodness i get off at 3 tomorrow, wish me anything but luck!

I'm not insecure enough to wax my ass hole.

So I found the answer and seriously I have no problem with my ass hole hair. If my man has a problem with it than tough, it's not like he has to touch it anyways because his penis will not be going anywhere near it. so here is the link, read it....i like keepin my ass warm and germ free!!!http://www.ask.com/bar?q=why+do+we+have+body+hair&page=1&qsrc=178&ab=0&u=http%3A%2F%2Ffindarticles.com%2Fp%2Farticles%2Fmi_m1590%2Fis_2_57%2Fai_68618530%2F

I don't wax my ass hole at all.

i can't sleep, so here i am blogging my little heart away. we all have our baggage, we all have ways that we react to situations that arrise in our life. it's hard to look through anothers perspective if you have never experienced their situation. I found it funny to hear someone say "at some point you have to grow up!" which is the truth but, if you have not come from a broken home you have no idea what it is like. Just because one person can handle an experience better than another doesn't mean that it isn't any better. I have a lot of un-resolved issues with my mother and I don't know how to deal withthem. Everytime I feel as if I have made some progress, something happens in our relationship that throws me through a loop and I end up at the begining again. I have some big trust issues with myself and other people because of our relationship and it's really unfair to me and others. The only thing I can do is learn from this cluster fuck of a relationship. I am just left with this feeling of emptyness most of the time. I am tired of not having anyone to share my time with and it doesn't help my self esteme at all. The only people I have contact with are people at work. School is online and computer relationships are not even an option. The other night I went to bed with these self depricating thoughts "stupid stupid girl, when are you going to learn?" AHAHAHAHAHHHHHH!! I can't seem to get out of my head most of the time. I think I slept in so much today because I didn't want to deal with the way that I have been feeling. Right now I am having the greatest conversation with this kid, and it's weird to see how similar we truly are. I have to go to bed, I have to get up in the morning and look like I belong with the living.