"What matters is what you think about yourself, not what others think of you."

I am hard core having the worst time sleeping and it has been going on for about a week or two now. It's great feeling like shit most of the time because my brain will not let my body rest- this does wonders for my blood sugar too. I have a lot of crap on my mind right now and it's not even work related for once- isn't that just a relief!!!
I don't really feel right about talking about most of it and today was the first day that I feel like I am having some clarity on it all. I started thinking and writing down my thoughts and I figured out a lot of what my problems have been. They are mainly personal and family related. When I feel like I don't have the security of my family I tend to mentally get aggravated and focus on problems that I really cannot control. I hate problems that I do not have a solution for or that are out of my control.

I'm changing and I'm not sure I like how I feel.

I am sitting here tonight and I just don't know what direction I am going in. For so long I had these goals that seemed to make since, they were logical and they were what I thought I wanted in my life. I hate the question what next, however I find myself asking that question too much. I do not feel like myself or how I usually feel at all and I am trying to make since of all of it. I wonder why life always has to seem like a race or why people make it seem this way? In the end what we all want is to be happy, however the different ways that make people happy amaze me from time to time.