and I'm free, free falling, falling

I am in my bed right now with only the computer light and a John Mayer song on to keep me company. I feel like I am on my way to finding what I truly want to do with my life. I love my job because I am good at it and I want to have a career, but school and life have seemed everlasting for the past couple of years. Taking breaks because of financial needs or medical reasons have been without a doubt a pain but that is all a part of life. I am starting back school this coming up fall and I do believe that I will be hitting the books hard this time. I am going to finish college and put my degree to use, and I can’t let anyone get in my way (not even me). Next summer I plan on going out of town for 2 months and going on a road trip across The United States of America. I am not telling that many people about it;because I feel like I am going to get back a lot of negativity, and that will just discourage me from something that I really want to do. When I say that I am not telling a lot of people I don’t mean via Internet,people at work and or people that don’t have any business in telling me how and what I should do with my life. I have wanted for some time to go on a road trip across the United States but it hasn’t been a possibility for me to go because of money or school or whatever. So my goal for the rest of this year is to pay off my hospital bills, credit cards, and get myself to start saving some serious cash. I have 2 credit cards to pay off and a couple of really big fucking hospital bills. While I am on this trip next year I plan on having the greatest time but, making something of it. I want to write a book about this traveling experience, take pictures, have video documentary, and an on line blog to document everything. All of these things are really big goals and dreams and I’m going to reach them in some way. For this past month I have been focusing on a part of my life that I really never gave too much thought to because it never seemed that important. I guess I need to be honest with myself and just come out and say it. I get lonely just like everyone else, my problem is I don’t really have or make time for intimate relationships. I hang with my family, friends, and I don’t go to bars (not the best place to find a man just a good fucking time). It’s not that this girldoesn’t want some lovin (not just sex) or a boyfriend I keep my time occupied most of the time. I had a friend remind me of who I was the other day and for most of the week and I think she is coming back to life. I love to write and I always have so I want to publish books (especially one about this trip) but, will it pay the bills? I think that in life all we can do is be happy and help others reach the same goal. I know that right now if I don’t take this trip, I will never have a chance to do this without more strings attached or responsibilities. I’m 24 and before I know it I will be buying a house, getting engaged, getting married, planning a family, having kids, raising kids, working to death, and then hopefully I will be able to travel more. I know I am not old, I am suck a kid- but if I don’t start spending my time being happy, and going on adventures before I know it this life will pass me by. I refuse to work myself to death and not get to experience what life is about. One of my goals is to start going back to church. There was a point and time in my life when I would go to church all of the time, and it wasn’t just because my mom was making me. I enjoyed the people I was around and the life lessons I was learning. In the past few weeks when I have thought to myself I feel so lost, I had a voice inside of me say…”you need to go back to church, this is why you are so lost.” I have so many things that we are dreaming about doing, so I am going to stop dreaming and try and put them into motion.