Listening to Good Music and Feeling the Warmth

I wonder if we realize how complicated or how much impact are decisions have on each other? We mean things one way or make specific actions for one reason and it has so many other meanings or perceptions to other people. I am constantly thinking of when you point a finger at someone, three are pointing back in your direction. I am trying to put myself in others positions and not be so judgemental all of the time. I mean think about it...how many times do you think or say I would never do that or that is wrong. Now honestly put yourself in another position or put up different circumstances and do you really know how you would react? The truth of the matter is, the real answer is you don't know. What you do know is what you would like to think you would do. We all have beliefs and I am not saying that on some of them that you would budge in any form of the situation, however we are not guaranteed tomorrow and you never know until you are faced with some of the hardest situations.

I have been thinking and I guess you could call it growing up....anyways....I have been comparing thoughts, my thoughts. What I use to think and what I think now. It amazes me how my opinions have changed over the past couple of years and how we all have grown.

I have been thinking a lot about children lately. That is because children are everywhere. 4 girls at work are pregnant, I have a manager who is a really young mother, and for some reason I have family who reminds me of how old I am and that they can't wait to have grandchildren. I am not ready to have a child in my life and that is because I am selfish. I know by saying this I sound like a horrible person, but at the same time doesn't it make me a responsible adult? I know that I am not at a point in my life where I want to stop everything and concentrate on a human being for the rest of my life. I would not make a good mother right now, I have so much more to accomplish and grow before I could be a good mother. This has just been on my mind lately and I have had a few dreams and they are really weird! Oh and no I have not had any star wars baby dreams!!!

I was having a conversation with my boss the other day and he realized that it has been forever since we have talked. He asked me where I have been, as if I have been in a cave away from the world. I don't have to call him as much, I just get things done peacefully and as quietly as I can. It was really nice to talk to him on the phone and know that he has missed hearing from me. Work seems to be going smoothly for me at least, not for those around me who are making there own problems. I just cut all the bull shit and go directly to what matters and deal with it.

School is well- I am going to be playing catch up this week and try to stay on top of it. Time management did not work out as well as I thought they would this week. I forgot that I had a mid-term due this week and well lets just say it sucked. I will be fine, I just have to do a lot this week and register for classes. It's my own fault, I take full blame for falling behind!!!

Family is well, when I am busy with work and school I get it from both ends. My mom plays her poor me I miss you and I will see you when I see you I know you are busy routine, which I figured out last night when I- OH YES I called her!!! But whatever- I refuse to feel bad at doing what I want in life: going to school and work. Oh and by the way I refuse to make her feel better by hindering my life, ya know? Oh and I am referencing bio mom!
Mom and Dad are good, I don't know if I had the chance to notice this when I was younger but they just balance each other out so well. The picture in my mind right now is of them walking out of our new house going on a date to the movies. I want that- there relationship is so not perfect and they bicker with each other like everyone else does, but they just love each other more than life. They make me think that a love does exhist, I have been pretty much skeptical for most of my life. Know now that it was not love that couldn't hold my parents together it was compramise and lack or repspect for one another keeping them apart.